In which (almost) everyone in Korea asks me about a boyfriend.

On my second day of work, without fail, my students asked for my age and whether or not I had a boyfriend.  I decided to take Gloria’s advice and tell them my age, but refused to share whether or not I have a boyfriend.

In Korea, after classes end, students clean the school.  I have a group of four first grade (equivalent of seventh grade in the States) boys who come into my class to sweep the floors, close windows, dispose of trash, etc.  They came in and swarmed my desk.  “Pace-book-uh?”  I had to close out of Facebook.  (Um, don’t judge me.  With hours of office work, you’d do it too).

“Teacher!  Do you have boyfriend-uh?” 
“That’s a secret.  I won’t tell you.” 

“How old are you?”
“If you clean up, I will tell you.”

They finished cleaning, I revealed my age, resumed my Facebook chat, life went on... until I realized the time.  And that I had some kind of meeting.

Teacher Gloria found me on my way to the Teachers’ Room.  Apparently, the meeting wasn’t the small gathering of the English department I expected.  I was led into a room graced by Principal and Vice Principal, as well as most of the teachers at the school.  Everyone stared as I walked into the room.  Vice Principal beckoned for me to sit next to her and offered me a rice cake.  I obligingly ate it although I was still holding the milkshake my cleaners had given to me.  I was unnerved to be so close to the two most powerful figures in the school but I did my best to be humble and polite.  I bowed whenever I made eye contact with someone for the first time.  Anyway, the place across from me was free and a male teacher sat down.  I said my humble “안녕하세요” and he returned the greeting, looking embarrassed.  VP prodded him in Korean and he answered back rapidly, still looking down.  She looked at me and said, “He say you so beauty that he nervous looking at you.”  He glanced back up at me and I smiled and said “반갑습니다” but I think the accent must have been on the wrong syllable because everyone in earshot, Principal, Vice Principal, Gloria, and even the bashful teacher, laughed.  (Apparently, misplaced syllables sounds cute in Korean).

Anyway, the meeting began and after a great deal of very official Korean business, Gloria nudged me to go to the front of the room.  I gave a respectful bow and told the room my name is Rosa, I am very happy to be in Korea, I am from Minnesota (where it is too cold), and that I hope I will teach the students well.  I also thanked everyone for welcoming me to their beautiful school, etc.  Gloria translated my little speech and I started to move back to my chair when an ajusshi [old man] in the back of the room asks that unavoidable, ubiquitous question:

“Boyfriend?”

I actually wasn’t prepared for this.  With my students, I make an X with my arms and say “That’s a secret.”  But how do I answer this question in a room with my boss and teachers with years of seniority over me in a culture heavily steeped in hierarchy?  I couldn’t fire off a snarky response (“Do you?”) the way I might be tempted to in the West.  

“Ummmmm.... I don’t know?  Maybe.  Not yet.”

There was a lot of muttering in Korean, and some of my co-teachers said, “You didn’t have to answer.”

After the meeting, Gloria asked me if it was normal to ask such a question in the United States.  “Oh, no.  Not in a professional setting.  But I understand that this is a different culture.  What should I have said, though?” 

“Its a complicated question, even for Koreans,” she told me. “If you say no, you are stupid.  If you say yes, you are damaged.”

So did I answer it right?  I wish my response could have been along the lines of “Please consult the wise words of Salt-N-Pepa in their song, ‘None of Your Business.’”  *sigh*  Well, I had a good day overall.  And it won't be the last time I'm asked that question!